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Saturday, 20 December 2008
Hello ppl.
VERY Long post ahead! Ranting and my thoughts! dun read if u tink u're gonna stop halfway. thanks! (:
Many things worry me.
i guess i'm a person who cares about my image a lot!
oh man! is that good? O.O
hafidz! u're not the person! i'm always certain that u're ok!
expressing feelings easily is not a good thing sometimes.
has it pros and cons.
u'll juz use natural personality to ur benefit.
for me, i get angry super easily i guess which ain't good cos i express too easily.
haha.
Fact 1) i get angry super easily.
Fact 2) i get over stuff very quickly.
Fact 3) i super want "FACE".I want my pride.
maybe that's why it's a tertiary reason i want to be a doctor not the primary or secondary reason. (:
ok..
i feel so sian-ed.
no mood to do any fun stuff.
shall thrash out all bad feelings to my homework.
learned about factor formulae, so i shall thrash things out with a maths now.
=(
Appearing offline! >.<
shit man.
stupid sian-ed feelings.
i'm thinking why i'm pessismistic sometimes though optimistic too.
i always want this and that but always say i don't want to others though i really want it very much.
i still don't believe ppl when they say they're ok after they were sad juz now.
Like so fake.
applies for me too! >.<
things don't get past over so fast right. like 15 mins then ok le. lol. impossible.
i tink i'm always lying cos i keep saying i'm ok. when i'm not. lols. >.<
shameless admit.
AND
(*talking about anime)
most of the times i always like the bad guys than the good guys.
Antagonists.
most of time i always support bad guys in the start.
i tink the good guys are too fake.
they're too perfect to be true.
the baddies are more realistic.
i tink i watch too much anime maybe?
for example, in bleach i like the espada.
i like grimmjow.
it's not really the cool factor of baddies but i juz dunno why i always support the baddies at first.
pessismist? hahas.
in naruto i like the akatsuki.
the baddies are always more elite but always there never fail to be "miracles" then the good guy defeat bad guy. so cliche..
though sometimes the good guys are ok.
i like kakashi from naruto and byakuya from bleach. probably due to their pride.
They're both very powerful in their anime. i tink it's me that always want to be elite.
giving mercy to most of the ppl but destroying anyone that is bad to take away the pride and use underhand methods giving them no mercy.
I aspire to be a nice guy but sometimes i tink i shld be cruel sometimes or not ppl juz go taking advantage of u.
I want to be elite so that i can crush the ppl who i want to crush that's why being stronger and more good than them, though those ppl pop in only once in a blue moon?
I juz wan to have the pro skills they have!
that one is more of fantasy i tink.
hahs.
byakuya's bankai. kakashi's raikiri. sasuke's chidori. mayuri's cruel attitude.
such a wild imagination i have!
after writing this, i relieved almost all of the unhappy stuff i tink.
Here i write about attitude and mindsets of me that i want to change and become. Become a better person i guess. (:
1)Sadistic mindset towards ppl i dun like and enemies that make me angry. (*vengful mindset that i want to "kill" ppl that i dun like)
2)Getting angry too easily that spoils or sours relationship.
3)Always saying i want this thing when i really want another thing. saying i'm ok when i'm not.(*basically lies, white lies also)
4)I want to be able to have more courage and say things that i really want to say but don't dare.
5) Not to be so competitive and too elitist.
6)Jealousy. Very paranoid about rivals in everything(studies, friends, relationship and so on) and keep wanting to win them.
I get fking jealous easily and it is damm tough for me. Having to control myself and my emotions and the way i express myself. have to be super careful. cos of jealousy that's why i tink i like destroying my rivals totally. putting all my might into defeating them. super cruel. remove their everything and let them suffer. damm bad. >.< I have to control the jealousy and act everything's fine!
No. 6 is the most wanted part of me that i want to change and the toughest and the most lethal.
6 goals! (:
released the load! (:
now i seek motivation and make things better!
i want to study a maths to remove all agony and unhappiness in the calculations i make.
AAH!
alright!
today was ok.
Had learning lab.
learnt hubris. jaded.
the arrogance and pride! - hubris
i want my pride but dun wan arrogance!
tiredness, exhausted- jaded.
then after that, impromptu meeting with donna.
met at city hall mrt.
yay i waited for her. so i'm not late and i won't feel bad.
when with chua, she keep giving me the feeling that i'm super bian tai. -.-
physical actions speak for itself not juz words. LOL! *(may misunderstand. ask me if u want for the correct thinkin. got 2 meanings one. haha)
but no matter what, donna never fails to make me happy. (:
annabella called and we told them we coincidentally met up in city hall. hahas!
when it was like i randomly ask. i said i was at novena then she say she goin city hall.
then wan meet? then ok lo. haha. so fast. so impromptu.
i bet annabella won't read this so she won't know. (:
talked and walked while waiting for annabella, sacha and tracy at mrt.
they were goin for a musical in chai chee.
tot we took different train. but they took same train then standing quite near to where i was.
wanted to not hear what they're saying but my ears too sharp. xD
wasn't eavedropping but "guang ming zhen da" listen. =D
and they were talking and laughing damm loudly and many ppl were staring at them.
LOL.
i was acting "emo" as said by donna. lol.
then what makes me feel a bit frustrated was like when i dunno who ask "eh. donna. u goin out with sidney on monday right?" then i tink it's annabella who straight away say "ssshhh. ssshhh." then all start staring at me. lols.
like as if i hear that then i will turn into a madman and shout and scream and start killing everyone on the mrt. -.- lols.
maybe it already means many ppl know that i get jealous easily. o.o
i dunno.
oh wells.
i was perfectly fine and ok after that. juz thought about it.
it's time i shld change it right.
=(
i juz feel like kicking an enemy real hard and painful.
but no enemies eh. -.-
i feel like shocking myself with a ball of electricity. "raikiri and chidori" haha.
then went home.
i want to be better!
gah!
studying with ernest on monday.
tuesday not planned yet.
hopefully it's successful.
i muz always be tasting bitterness so that i will nvr get complacent easily and be constantly improving.
i want to be stronger now!
blogging really helps me to de-stress, de-emo/sadness , de-angry.
haha!
(:
ok! i want to be in the stronger team and more powerful one. (:
however, humble team though. =D
alright.
i feel ok now.
bye!
P.S- nobody made me angry or wadsoever today. i'm always thinking! (: on the quest to improving andres.
I love you guys! u ppl know who u are! =D
donna makes me happy no matter what! (: thanks chua. u're rock so much!
thanks!
and i realise i like ppl who are glamorous and full of personalities after watching a show juz now. =D
BYE!
i'm gonna go enjoy ben and jerry's ice cream!
bought 2 tubs! =D heheh.
7:55 pm;
WALKING.
andres lim
Love making friends! Enjoy the company of my awesome buddies in CLIQUE! And not to forget wonderful VSPB pals! Currently studying in Victoria, Class of 4J '09, spent sweet 15 years of life on EARTH. Hoping to make it big in life. Doctor/Gynaecologist wanna-be. I love life being optimistic with SMILES! (:
Don't forget to TAG before leaving! (:
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